Mars in Scorpius

Ha ha

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 04:01:25 GMT

I was struck by something. I won't consider helping my mom. But I was SUPER excited when I found out I can lend some lady in the Philippines $25 to help her with her pig farming business. For more info visit www.kiva.org I love that site. Always because I think these people can take my help, and use it.

God helps those who help themselves. There is no God but man. Man helps those who help themselves.

Makes sense, right?

Phone and stuff

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 21:47:54 GMT

"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame! You give love a bad name." Echoes through my room as a get myself a new ring tone on my new phone. I can do fancy stuffs like have quality ring tones, take pictures, 15-sec video clips, text with a keyboard that's too small even for a Japanese child's hands, brows the interwebs, and im. Yet the plan I'm on is a bit restrictive in the whole data transfer department, but c'est la vie. Oh, and I can finally talk while driving, or doing anything else with my hands. Bluetooth is nicer than I imagined.

Some people know I'm trying to get a house with Miles. Now everyone should, but I doubt will until Miles himself posts this little fact. Projections indicate that this summer will be the time we move, but maybe not till fall. Also, with increased advertisement of FHA loans and investment oportunities, I am concerned at the prospect of increased housing costs. Nevertheless, we'll be sure to find something within our price range somewhere. As soon as the prerequisites for moving out have been met. Namely, my mom goes away and I find someone willing to live with my dad.

Yesterday we were at a Daoist talk, thingy. Miles was scared of how sensible it was, I was overjoyed (I yearn for sensible things). Towards the end we all meditated while listening to gongs and reverberation. It was interesting, and became very interesting at one point. On the advise of the sifu who was leading the talk I let my thoughts come, and let go without resistance. In that state of non-resistance I started scanning (for lack of a better word) my... intentions? What it was I cannot put into words. It would be a cross between intent, lifestyle, perception, sense of self, and something indescribable (by me, so far). In any case, I noticed a blockage of sorts. It didn't stop things dead, it just redirected my attention and energy elsewhere. Every time I tried to "look" at it, it would change/move/distract. I became highly aware of it because everything else had shut up at that point. It was like a stranger in a dark empty room. You know they're there, but not sure exactly where or who they are.

So I sat there feeling it's edges as it wiggled away again and again. Feeling an outline as it were. Eventually I was able to connect with it well enough to see it's outline. It was me? Well kinda me. I think it was the ego or something similar. It's like the root of a program. All the language in a program is ultimatelt distilled into 1s and 0s through a root that interprets and translates the language of the program. Every part of one's mind and personality is an expression of everything, yet isn't everything. So it stands to reason that there is a filter. Maybe more than one, maybe changing 12 times a second, but there's at least one for most of us. To know this filter would be lovely though, as it would grant access to ones current nature. The guidlines they follow, and give them the option to continue, change, or maybe even quit and be perfectly natural.

Today I am home, with nothing to do. So I will meditate upon this discovery of last night. Maybe I was right, maybe wrong, maybe a little of both, but I can tell that whatever this thingy is, it is important for me to understand it further.

Music of your life

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 09:39:01 GMT

*How do I make a playlist or something available, then ??? will make some sense!*

If my movie had a soundtrack it would have one of the follow. The first, of all music on my computer. The second, all music I recognize on my computer.

The first:

Movie intro:
Lifers?

Theme tune:
???

Your intro:
Everclear - I will buy you a new life
-Very interesting

School scene:
The Trial from Crono Trigger

First love:
Once Pagan Always Pagan -Walter the Warlock clip
Rachael from FF6
-I really like this combo

Sex scene:
Strategy from Sonic
-......

Child's Birth:
Ultemecia's Castle FF8
-My child is awesome, and more than a little freaky

Fight:
Bouncing Souls - Here's to the Memories
-Fighting as brothers with Miles

Break up:
Enya/Kitaro - Silk Road
-What a happy break up!

Death:
Kamikaze from Star Ocean 2

Funeral:
Pillows - I think I can
-Freaky

Issues:
Arab Battle 1 from Medieval Total War 1

Finding your place:
Rhianna - Fleetwood Mac

Moving on:
Chao Theme - Sonic
-Appropriate in a weird way

Ending:
Super Awesome Guitar Stick Man Thing (New Grounds) - Broked

Credits:
Your Disco Needs You
-Perfect!

The second:

Movie intro:
Lazy Town - Energy

Theme tune:
Zeal from Chrono Trigger

Your intro:
Offspring - Staring at the Sun

School scene:
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
- Extremely appropriate!

First love:
Fall Out Boy - "Of All The Gin Joints In All the World" (Tommie Sunshine's Brooklyn Fire Retouch)
-Pretty appropriate.

Sex scene:
Panic! at the Disco - "The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide Is Press Coverage" (Tommie Sunshine Brooklyn Fire Remix)
-How kinky

Child's Birth:
Lincon Park - Hands Held High

Fight:
small town2 from Sim City Societies

Break up:
Night of the Incident from Dark Cloud

Death:
Good Charllette - I Don't Wanna Stop

Funeral:
Blink 182 - this is growing up
- These last two are weird together, I think I murdered someone.

Issues:
Everclear - Boys Are Back In Town

Finding your place:
Margaret Cho - Phone Messages From Mom "Only War"
-I dunno what to say.

Moving on:
Time of the Dreamwatch from Chrono Cross

Ending:
Fragments of Dreams from Chrono Cross

Credits:
gomesvj2 (fur affinity) - The Ocean

Something about a meme

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 06:25:44 GMT

Fill this out:

PS, fuck #7 and gimme a natal chart, dudes!

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you ?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of lj?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the macerana?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Google Resh

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 06:06:09 GMT

You know, I've been having trouble remembering to do Resh.

"So what have you done about it?"

I'm glad you asked.

This:

Step 1: Open up Firefox.

Step 2: Go to google calaner

Step 3: Add an event for each Resh deity at their time.

Step 4: Set google calander to send me a text a minute before each time (with the event name)

Step 5: Run laughing out the door.

Step 6: Do Resh.

:)

I feel kinda smart, and like a dork, oh well.

Jaradyne-ology

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 05:47:51 GMT

Type your cut core-post this as your name followed by "ology"
*****FOODOLOGY*****

What is your salad dressing of choice?
Everything

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I can't decide.

What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it
I hate everything after twice....

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Everything. I see a theme.

What do you like to put on your toast?
Butter, peanutbutter, jam, more toast, nutella, peanut butter again, butter... and repeat!

*****TECHNOLOGY*****

How many televisions are in your house?
My father has one, I own... none.

What color cell phone do you have?
Silver, ooohhh!

*****BIOLOGY*****

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right handed

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
My 4 wisdom teeth.

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
Kyle.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Not to knowledge.

*****BULLCRAPOLOGY*****

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Yes, so I can buy groceries.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Things you cannot pronounce. Or CAPTIAN PLANATO

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Sure.

*****DUMBOLOGY*****

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
.... I'm not 100% I know what those are.

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
When one told me I had a tail light out.

Last person you talked to?
Miles, telling him his answers to this were stupid.

Last person you hugged?
Miles, while smelling like an old woman.

*****FAVORITOLOGY*****

Season?
Fall. No allergies, mostly.

Holiday?
Zepplin Day! June 19, the day you celebrate zepplins, and my birth.

Day of the week?
Friday, people tend to be friendlier that day.

Month?
June. Zepplin day, my B-day, Gay Month, and everyone decides to have ____-fest.

*****CURRENTOLOGY*****

Missing someone?
Not currently.

Mood?
Amused. It's very sunny, there's lots of pineapples there.

What are you listening to?
See above.

Watching?
This screen, and Miles falling.

Worrying about?
If Miles hurt himself.

*****RANDOMOLOGY*****

First place you went this morning?
To the bathroom, then to the car, then to work.

What's the last movie you saw?
Delgo I think the name was. On a feild trip.

Do you smile often?
Yes, LETS FOG OTR MILK (yes)

QUESTIONS

1)Do you always answer your phone?
Only if I like you, or don't know you.

2) You love...
Furries, Miles, Andrew's Hair™, things that make me laugh (probably you), Miles' tears

3) If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Violet.

4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
What are you talking about!?  Shut up!

5) Do you own a digital camera?
No, my crappy crappy one is now Miles'.

6)Have you ever had a pet fish?
About 7. Yes... 7.

7) Favorite Christmas Song?
12 Gifts of Christmas

8) What's on your wish list for your birthday?
TO RIDE ZEPPLIN!

9) Can you do push ups?
I think so.

10) Can you do a chin up?
Barely.

11) Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Yes.

13) Ever been in a car wreck?
Wreck?  WRECK!?!?  No.

14) Do you have an accent?
No, so it is all encompassing.

15) What is the last song to make you cry?
What Sarah Said by Death Cab For Cutie

16) Plans tonight?
It is tonight. I never have plans, just happenings.

17) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Once or twice. Not anymore.

18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
Chicken, cookies, and apple pies.

19) Have you ever been given roses?
One. One rose. With... something, a card or something.

20) Current worry?
Being able to move back with Miles.

21) Current hate right now?
Everything. FUCK!!!!!!

22) Met someone who changed your life?
At least 7.

23) How did you bring in the New Year?
Mopping the heater with Windex.

24) What song represents you?
Struggle for Pleasure by Wim Merton

25) Name three people who might complete this?
3?   Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, nope.

26) What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Reading about finance, rats, and playing Armor Defence.

27) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
"Where's the treadmill?"

My Schedule

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 01:49:32 GMT

For all those interested:

"http://www.google.com/calendar/embed?src=jfj108%40hotmail.com&ctz=America/Los_Angeles"

Zodiac

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 08:03:37 GMT

Hey, look at this!

http://www.astro.com/cgi/aclch.cgi?btyp=ack;lang=e;nhor=1;cid=pbgfilebxOLcT-u1230617979

It's way cool, and can tell you a lot about me, or you, or anyone. I'm loving this since it's covering trines and squares, which I haven't learned so much about, but they are all dead on to some extent. It would be spooky for anyone who didn't expect the whole circumference of knowledge in the universe to be evident anywhere.

The music this game uses helps me think:

http://www.freeworldgroup.com/games8/gameindex/dfinder3.htm

This made me laugh:

"Mars Sextile Jupiter

You will have many more opportunities than most people, and favorable circumstances will seem to occur without any effort on your part. Your optimism and positive outlook on life make others feel better.
To you, this aspect may not seem very lucky, but others are aware of it. It is just that your luck is so reliable that you don't even notice it. But if you think about it, you will realize that large areas of your life work very easily and effortlessly. Friends and neighbors are very important to you, and you should get along well with them."

So true:

Neptune in the Eleventh House

This position requires a certain amount of care, because you are likely to have many unrealistic ideas about your friends. You may expect them to be more perfect than they possibly can be, to be without human flaws.

That really sucks when your friends really are that awesome; but lack perfection, if for no other reason, to learn from it.

Mercury Opposition Neptune
You may learn to think clearly on your own, but there is a danger that relationships with others will confuse you and upset your thinking. You are something of a dreamer, and instead of taking people as they are, you may try to work them into your dreams.
You must learn to accept others as they really are, for if you idealize them, you will always be disappointed.
You also must learn how to be truthful. If you do not know the difference between the truth and your dreams, you end up confusing everyone around you, which is the same as lying.
If you learn to be more controlled and think clearly, this can be a very useful aspect. Your dreams can be the source of positive creative ideas in the arts or literature.

Just talked about this a little today. This, combined with absorbing the emotions of others, and the inability to tell the difference between emotions and thoughts clearly all add up to a cluster-fuck of mind blowing proportions. But at least I'm aware of it now! So that's good.

Uranus in Sagittarius
These children are strongly attracted to new philosophies and will question all accepted traditions and ideals. They are interested in new and innovative ideas rather than the tried and true, feeling that the past has outlived its usefulness. They have a strong drive to be free and may be quite eccentric. If the current interest in new religious sects and cults continues, these people are likely to be very much involved in them and will change them tremendously.

So that's why Jeffery tells me I'm a player in the workings of T-Lodge?

Saturn in Scorpio
This placement indicates that deep and intense psychological change may be very difficult for you to withstand. You may try to ignore it or to repress the energies that come from deep inside you. You must try very hard to understand what is motivating you and to accept it, whatever it is. In fact, you must work very hard to accept all aspects of your character no matter how strange they seem.
Also, you may be reluctant to express your true feelings, because you prefer to keep an outward appearance of calm and control. But this is not always good for you, because everyone needs to release their feelings from time to time, especially while you are young. On the plus side, when you are under intense pressure, you can show your emotions and still be more in control of them than most people. That can be very helpful when the going gets rough.

Oh dear, well that's all true. I know my emotions seem uncontrolled, and they are, but systematically killing them took some control. Just as it is taking some to revive them.

Venus Trine Saturn
You are reserved about showing your affections and not very demonstrative. But once you decide that a person is worthwhile, you are totally loyal and loving. You may not have many friends, but the ones you do have will be very long- lasting. You are attracted to people who take life seriously. Even while you are young, you will understand that romance alone cannot support a shaky relationship. But once you commit yourself to someone, you are more willing than most to put an effort into saving your relationship.
Sometimes you find it difficult to have fun, especially with other people. In fact, being in a large group makes you feel alone, rather than with company. You are best in a one-to- one relationship with someone.

Fun in a large group is VERY hard for me to do. I hate it really. I love small groups though.

Pluto Square Ascendant
With this aspect you may get involved in problems with others because one or the other tries to take control. At times you feel that others are continually trying to take unfair advantage of you. Or you may try to take advantage of them.
Also you must be very open and honest with people, because it is very easy to create the wrong impressions in your relationships. This is because you are naturally a very intense person and may seem to be brooding or secretive even when there is nothing weighty on your mind.
If you have trouble getting along with others, even when it seems to be totally their fault, think about your own attitudes and actions.
It would be good to avoid getting involved with people who seem strange, difficult and emotionally intense about everything.

I especially enjoy that last sentence. Of course almost everything in my chart disagrees with that. So it's cool.

Venus in Cancer
You like to be very close to people, and you need to have an especially affectionate relationship with your parents. You always want to be sure that you can count on someone for emotional support. At the same time, you are willing to give the same support to anyone you love.
If you decide that no one loves you, you may be desperate to find a friend to give you moral support.
Nevertheless, when you like someone, you like them a lot, and you show it. You will never do anything to hurt someone you like unless they hurt you first. Then you are likely to strike back.
Your relationship with your mother will be especially important. However, if you have a good relationship with her, your other relationships throughout life will also be good.

Hmmm, so what would a strange and clingy relationship mean for me? I do care about her, when I'm not enraged at her. A love/hate relationship I suppose. At least I don't hate her completely, nor am I her "good little boy" anymore.

Mercury Conjunct Venus
You like to be surrounded by beauty and are depressed by anything ugly or unpleasant. While you are quite young, you may show some definite artistic ability. Also you appreciate other people's artistic talents.
Perhaps the most important effect of this aspect, however, is that it takes your mind away from narrowly logical thinking. You look for form and beauty in ideas as well as in objects. Also you may think visually, by seeing images in your head rather than just connecting ideas.
You want everything you see or think about to be related artistically as well as logically.
You talk to people in a way that wins them over. You are very good at soothing hurt feelings and at helping people settle a quarrel fairly.

Oh God where's the beauty in my life!? Luckily I've never had that problem completely. There are parts of my life, like anyone else, where beauty is lacking, but if I can go outside, I'm fine. The sky is the most beautiful thing in the world. Clouds, deep blue, the sun, moon, and stars. I love them all. Even a piercing blackness can be lovely.

Mercury in the Fifth House
You like to play games that involve your mind, such as puzzles, riddles, and especially as you get older, chess or bridge. And you like to read or study for amusement. Games and reading aren't work for you, they are fun. If you have a hobby, you will try to learn everything you can about it.
However, you will have to learn enough self-discipline to study subjects that are necessary but not fun. You are best off in an open learning environment, where you are free to let your mind wander wherever your fancy takes you.
You enjoy expressing yourself through speaking and, when you are older, writing. You may write for fun and even become a professional writer, but only if you can express yourself creatively through your writing. You let people know your opinions about everything, and you find it very unpleasant not to be listened to.

That last part reminds me of myself when high. I blather on about whatever without end. That's all I want when in that state. Not being able to do so depresses and angers me like nothing else. I just need some direction, or maybe a lot, but in any case direction is ok.

A bunch of things tell me to be disciplined. Ok! I will. It reminds me of something I learned from my initiation before the last.

Some parts will look wrong, but are correct. Parts of my nature have been violently suppressed for 20 odd years. As that pressure subsides, the more passionate parts of my personality will emerge.

You have been warned.

I'm awesome

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 07:37:44 GMT

I talked with a really nice older guy (37) about love in the gay world. I don't have anyone else I can really talk to about that who's been in it like I have.

He wanted to chat me up so he could have me as a fuck buddy, and I just came out and told him I don't want that anymore. I just want an intimate relationship. That's all I've wanted for a while, but deluded myself into thinking sex could lead to it, not the other way round. He not only respected my position, but commended it. Apparently most gay guys my age don't get that part of things.

I was feeling lonely and felt like talking, especially about relationships since it was already on the table, so I just asked him if he'd talk to me about it for a while. To my surprise he said yes. We talked about how you gotta just be yourself and all that jazz, and that while many people won't care for you, the people who do, really will. I knew all this, but talking about it really helped hammer it home in my mind.

Towards the end he told me I had "the ability to listen to your heart like that will serve you well. and the ability to be fearless about expressing what you need will REALLY serve you well" I felt overwhelmed, since I don't know myself, but at the same time I can listen to my heart. I'm almost constantly nervous, but can do something that seems fearless.

"The trouble is, being open also means being hurt, or at least a greater possibility of being hurt. I'm not saying this will be an easy period for you, but i am saying to keep the faith." The fear of being hurt has governed my entire life almost. But I'm loosening those bonds. He just helped affirm the need to, and moreover progress. A month ago I could have never talked to anyone about my problems like this. That's terrifying to me. Still is a little, but I can't let myself care unless I wanna go mad with self-repression, and that's a sin!

The word of Sin is Restriction. O man! refuse not thy wife, if she will! O lover, if thou wilt, depart! There is no bond that can unite the divided but love: all else is a curse. Accursed! Accursed be it to the aeons! Hell.